Ben’s Boundaries: Healing After Consent Violations

Ben struggled with feelings of tension and discomfort in his pelvis for years. These sensations began after experiences where his boundaries were crossed and his consent was not respected. Even after time had passed, Ben noticed that his body still guarded itself. Moments of intimacy, even with safe partners, brought up anxiety, numbness, or a sense of disconnection. Ben wondered if he would ever be able to trust his body again. SOFT offered a new approach. Instead of trying to force relaxation or ignore his body’s signals, Ben was invited to listen for the subtle ways his body said “yes,” “no,” or “maybe.” In early sessions, Ben practiced the SOFT Consent Cycle. He would place his hand on his pelvis or another area, asking himself, “Is this okay right now?” If his body felt tight or hesitant, he learned to respect that message and stop or move his hand away. There was no pressure to push through discomfort. With time, Ben became more skilled at sensing what his body wanted. He practiced noticing even small shifts—warmth, ease, a little more relaxation—as signs of growing trust. He also worked on saying “no” when needed, both to himself and with partners. Through SOFT, Ben discovered that true healing was not about erasing his history, but about rebuilding trust with himself. His boundaries became clearer. Moments of intimacy became more comfortable and empowering. Ben learned that his body’s wisdom could be trusted again. If you are healing after consent violations, you can try this practice: Place your hand gently on your body. Ask, “Is this okay right now?” If the answer is no or you feel unsure, give yourself permission to pause or move away. Honor whatever response comes up. Over time, this simple check-in can help restore a sense of agency and trust. SOFT teaches that boundaries are not barriers, but foundations for safety, pleasure, and true connection. If you’re a therapist, yoga instructor, or bodyworker who is interested in learning more about SOFT Certification, take a look at our Level 1, 2, and 3 training programs on our website, thesoftapproach.com