Episode Transcript
Carmen grew up in a community where strict rules around sexuality were the norm.
She learned early that touch, pleasure, and desire were things to feel ashamed of or to hide.
Even as an adult, Carmen carried this shame in her body.
Intimacy felt overwhelming.
When her partner reached out with affection, Carmen sometimes froze or left her body entirely.
She believed she was broken, or that something was wrong with her.
Years of talk therapy helped Carmen understand her history, but her body still responded with tension and numbness.
She decided to try a different approach.
With SOFT, Carmen was not asked to force herself to feel pleasure.
Instead, she was invited to notice whatever was present—curiosity, numbness, fear, or even nothing at all.
Her first practice was gentle body mapping.
Carmen placed her hand on different parts of her body, starting with places that felt neutral or safe.
She simply noticed sensations—temperature, texture, comfort, or discomfort.
She did not have to interpret or analyze.
Sometimes, Carmen felt grief.
Other times, she felt relief just being allowed to go slow.
SOFT emphasized that her body’s “no” was as valuable as her body’s “yes.”
Pleasure was not the goal.
Presence was.
Over time, Carmen’s capacity to sense grew.
Moments of warmth or tingling appeared in places that once felt numb.
She practiced saying “no” and “maybe” to herself and with her partner, learning that boundaries were not barriers, but bridges to trust.
With continued practice, Carmen began to reclaim her body from shame.
Intimacy became less about performing and more about choice and curiosity.
SOFT taught her that healing is a process, not a destination.
If you relate to Carmen’s story, try this:
Choose a part of your body that feels safe or neutral.
Place your hand there and notice any sensation, or the absence of sensation.
There is nothing you have to feel.
Give yourself permission to stop at any time.
Your body’s wisdom knows the pace that is right for you.
Healing after shame is possible, and SOFT can be a gentle guide.
If you’re a therapist, yoga instructor, or bodyworker who is interested in learning more about SOFT Certification, take a look at our Level 1, 2, and 3 training programs on our website, thesoftapproach.com
